School Awards

        A while  ago, I called up my sons and asked them about their closing program in school last Tuesday. My sons said "It´s Ok mama". "Do you have ribbons?", I asked.  "No mama, we do not have any recognition. You are not here and  noone tutoring us during the school year", they answered. " You have to come home now mama and teach us so that we will get ribbons next year",  they added. I felt so guilty and my heart really pound hard. My eyes became wet that time. I know my sons needed me this time. They need my guidance and my support not financially but physically, morally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I am so sad, really, really sad. As I am typing the words, I could not see what am I writing here. I am already crying. I couldn´t explained my emptiness and lonelines when my two boys come to my mind. I want to give them  brighter future. I have better plan for them. I want to earn money for their studies in the future. I want to build house for them-a house to stay and feel free to do what they want to. I want to buy them nice clothings, toys and school things. But these two little  boys didn´t appreciate these material things. They need more my presence. They want more a mother with them rather than these things. I know its hard for them to live away from me. It is hard for me too being away from them.
        Going back to my sons status in school. I couldn´t blame my kids not having ribbons or any awards. Its not important for me anyway. I know they are good boys. They have their own abilities and talents. They are intelligent boys in their own ways. Maybe during school days, they don´t know whom to us help when they have assignments in school; could they ask my sister, who is busy with her work? Could they ask my mother, who is occupied with many things too? Who will assists them if they have projects? Really, I never blame my kids for these instead I pity them for I am not there. I could give them what they need. I blame myself for these. My sons are right, It was my fault that they did not have any awards in school because I am away from home.